[인터뷰] Key of SHINee Never Thought He'd Still Be a K-Pop Star at 30

Key Never Thought He'd Still Be a K-Pop Star at 30

His parents wanted him to study medicine. Instead, he studied dance. In his own words, SHINee’s Key reflects on how his technicolor dream of pop stardom came true.

https://www.allure.com/story/key-shinee-essay-a-k-pop-star-turns-30

Every weekend, I took a two-hour train ride to Seoul, trained, and went back to Daegu3, my hometown. I envied the trainees who lived in Seoul. They could come to the company every single day. I was desperate for every lesson and rehearsal. I cried a lot on the train. I never got to rest on weekends. And still, I wanted to practice more. There was this uncertainty of [my] future. I had to make sure this went well so I could debut4. But I was so sure I could. I could imagine myself onstage. I really believed in the power of visualization and manifestation. I even do so now when I pick songs. If I can't visualize it, I usually won't want to do it. I have to see the song in order for me to make it real.

When I debuted [with SHINee5 in 2008], it was nothing like I imagined. There are the stage performances, plus TV interviews, variety shows, preparing for the next album, and, of course, all the practice. At that time, when you debuted, each person had their own character, their own role they had to play along with. I was shy, quiet Key. In the beginning, I couldn't get used to that. It was the exact opposite of how I felt. I don't know if this is the right word, but SM made us. We didn't create [SHINee]. We were a produced group. We had a set image and songs that went along with it. It wasn't until 2015, seven years after my debut, that our staff asked for our opinions. I think that was the epiphany moment, like, Okay, I need to make these decisions. I realized I wasn't sure what to choose.

I decided to express everything — my music, my identity — [through my look]. Beauty and fashion became tools for me to emphasize certain things about myself. I was brought up in a very conservative, traditional household. My parents wouldn't even let me pierce my ears. After I debuted, I started to notice that whatever we were wearing, our fans — especially female fans — would buy similar things and wear them themselves. That was a symbolic moment for me, seeing no need for boundaries. For me, there's no boundary between femininity and masculinity, and I try to be even more natural in my own reactions to people expressing themselves. I modeled for Jill Stuart Accessory Korea. In the photo, I was holding a bag. I didn't want anyone to think, Oh, I wish my boyfriend would buy me the bag he's holding. I wanted to look so natural that anyone could say, "I love how that bag looks. I want to buy it." I'm wishing for a day when seeing women only wearing men's clothing, just this person doing this and this person doing that, is completely natural and no one will bat an eye.

In March 2019, I took a break from SHINee to enlist in the military8. I was discharged last year, in October. And I've noticed I'm not asking others for their opinions or advice. I'm trying to make my own decisions. I'm not afraid of failure anymore. The more important thing is to be confident and not ashamed of anything I do. I’m not scared of losing things — money, fame, or whatnot. I want to be true to myself. I have a shy side, but I also have this louder, extroverted side, too. I'm learning how to embrace everything — these two sides of myself — as my whole identity.